The Anatomy of a Loss

Published by Aundre | Filed under Uncategorized

Over the last few weeks I have driven directly into a roadblock that I just can’t seem to accelerate over; how can some one with a strong heart, a burning passion for something, lose?

This all started on a Sunday afternoon at Jordan Crandall’s house after some Zaxby’s  and church,when my mom called to tell me something I am still having a hard time believing to this day, a friend and mentor of mine cheated on his wife and gave in to the chains of his lust, now he is literally sitting behind bars. I, and I imagine countless other people are sitting around wondering what happened? I have seen that man, my brother, and somewhat like a dad, lead us in worship like a lion, his mane drenched in strength, energy and true unbridled passion. How could that be the same man? In my mind a heart like that just bulldozes over lust, instead of being tangled up in it like I have been.

I have always believed that the difference between myself and any single person I looked up to was that I always too scared to pour all of myself into something. I was always too afraid that if I gave 100 I would fail and then have nothing left. I could never jump off the cliff, with every decision in my life I have found myself dragging my feet hoping friction will stop me from a possible loss.
I mean just consider jumping off a cliff, once you leap, you start to pick up momentum and as the wind blows through your hair and chills your bones, there are only two options land, or fall, there are no take backs or re-dos. All the chips are in.

So now a week later, this entire loss thing has come full circle. Last Saturday, I watched our Gators get pummeled by the Tide. Now by no means was the loss the heartbreaking part, it was seeing the loss through the eyes of our leader, #15. Over the semester I have watched a man, who often resembles a fearless warrior lead our boys from old Florida into battle with the heart of a lion that can be seen throughout the game and off the field, I have seen a man who I can look to as a beacon of humility, passion and tenacity,  I have seen this  man cry, I have seen him lose and now I question my previously held notion that a lack of effort or passion materializes itself into loss.

Two men, very different struggles, both of which have impacted me and left me asking what is the anatomy of a loss?

I mean if we can’t just blame it on not trying hard enough or not enough passion what is left? Is it possible that we just don’t win them all?

I believe the Christian response is that God plans and allows things to happen, which is alright when it applies to the Gators going to the Sugar Bowl, but what of the other outcome?

So in some sort of conclusion I will say this: No matter how despondent I feel, or how dark the outlook is, there is so much I can be thankful for. I won’t pretend like I know everything, or if I am even sure what will happen tomorrow. I just know that after looking for the anatomy of a loss, I am more sure than ever that I am fragile, pathetic, and dependent upon the existence of God. We are simply not enough friends. We can’t rise the sun, set it, or even will ourselves to win or evade situations. So then we are not enough, each moment is a gift to us. So for that reason every moment is something to be cherished and looked to as a source of strength when it seems all is caving in, because as I am finding out, no matter who you are those times will always come.