Lessons about Control

Published by Aundre | Filed under Uncategorized

Well, I never thought Id be saying this. But Im sort of a control freak.

At the moment my hearts thumping a little  more than usual because today didnt turn out how I had planned and for some reason it always makes me very anxious when I wait for things.

Sadly, well possibly sadly anyway, Ive been feeling like this a whole lot lately mostly over my college decision.

It was sort of an epiphany when a few weeks ago one of my best friends didnt get into the University of Florida. I mean how much does that suck? Like if there was one thing I looked forward to if I went to UF was being able to room with him and another one of my friends so I could just have a base, a loving God centered, fun base of best friends I could grow with much better than I have in high school. So when this happened it was sort of like my dream was shattered.

The next fun reminder of myself was when i went to room with another one my friends and he told me he didnt pay for his initial housing application which meant if we got a room together the probability it would be a bad air conditionless room was high and I think we can all agree that a lack of air conditioning mixed with Gainesvilles climate spells a disaster comparable to few other things. Well maybe im exaggerating again, but yet again it was like what I wanted was useless, like no matter what I did i was being thrown head first in a sea of mystery, and in all honesty that bothers me.

So now its a few weeks later, and here I sit yet again in the same position. I think Im in control but the truth is I severly need to just let go, let go, let God.

I got that saying from a kind then freshman now sophomore who was starting to ‘freak out’ about her first ap test. And just as her mother always says it to her, so God has smacked me into realizing this.

The night my friend didnt get into UF I told my mom it felt like God had just ripped a part of me out and stomped on it. Besides being hopelessly overdramatic, the tighter I clench to the things I think are best for me, the less capable I am of holding fast to the promises of God, to leaving my life in the creative and loving hands of the father of lights.

By no means was this easy to say, as I type I feel like Im being spoken to.

anyway, I hope you were touched by this blog and I hope you have a great rest of your day/afternoon/night.